A breakup is a breakup, no matter how it’s spun. They will never be easy, they will never be fun, but once you identify the cause, the type, and the root of the situation, you can finally allow yourself to heal. Different relationships require different doses of grief and the dosage varies depending on who YOU are and your mindset.
It’s a marathon not a race
Sometimes the process is a quick spin around the block and other times it’s a trip across the country. No matter the length, no matter the person, the way in which it ends signifies how you will heal.
Why Does This Matter?
When a relationship ends, it’s hard to comprehend. We know that it ended, either peacefully or angrily, and we’re left to pick up the pieces and start again. But identifying our breakups is the first step in moving forward. Sometimes it lessens the blow or it clears your mind, but most importantly it provides closure without having to ask.
6 Types Of Breakups & Ways To Heal From each
In a world where “figure it out” is a staple in our lexicon, it’s no surprise that breakups don’t come with a handbook or a “one size fits all” cure. But lucky for you, we’ve put a name to the face of your breakup, accompanied by helpful tips on how to move forward and look inward. Find yours below and start your healing journey today.
The Cordial
The cordial, the mutual, the rarest of its kind. When breakups like this come around be thankful that they did, because a breakup without an argument is like a total solar eclipse. These breakups require the least amount of inner-restoration as the two of you are seeing eye to eye, and although you don’t mourn the person, you may find yourself mourning the routine.
When healing from this type of breakup it’s important to keep yourself busy. Rewrite your routine and start fresh with:
a new hobby
a trip with friends
a collection of thoughts/needs/wants
a fresh self-care regime
a purging of your closet
Right Person, Wrong Time
The soul sister to the cordial breakup is one that seems to only appear in films, but sometimes it makes its way into our reality. This breakup is known as the “right person, wrong time.” Very self-explanatory and very little room for screaming matches, resentment, and unkind words.
Ever heard of the saying “good things take time?” It’s kind of like that, but instead of putting in the work to try and make the space, you opt to save the trouble and end it while it’s safe.
When healing from this type of breakup, the steps to closure are closer than you think. This scenario removes self-doubt from the picture. Life wasn’t ready to plant this relationship in the ground, so when you’re moving on and moving forward, take that time to figure out what your priorities are and what you want to gain from this independence.
The Dreaded Ultimatum
The eye opening goodbye and the sudden self-exploration– “the ultimatum” brings out the best in us and the worst in the couple. This type of breakup is one that we all try to avoid, but it’s often the last straw. If being asked for your hand in marriage was the only way to keep the relationship going, then it’s probably best that it ended anyway.
Although it appears to be a compromise, it’s actually an offer that you have to refuse: whether you weren’t ready to commit, move in, or quit your job, the relationship wasn’t going to work. If your partner wasn’t ready to hear you out, then they weren’t right for you in the first place– be gentle with yourself.
When these breakups happen it’s normal to want to blame yourself, but it’s not your fault. In an effort to ground yourself, try making a list of all the reasons why you chose the latter in the ultimatum.
Remember why you:
Said no
Refused to get rid of the dog
Kept that car
Stayed in your studio apartment
You matter just as much as your ex did.
Cheating
The hardest one to endure and the hardest one to move past. Getting cheated on is like salt in an open wound, a stab in the back, and a slap in that face, all wrapped up in the ingenuine emptiness that is “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
If they cheated, that’s a reflection of their own insecurities— plain and simple. If the relationship was rocky and headed to its demise, they should’ve swallowed their pride and ended it like a respectable human being, not in the bed of a stranger while you were at home waiting for them to walk through the door.
Similar to the ultimatum, this type of breakup begs for you to blame yourself. It begs for you to provide a reason for why they did it and it leads you to believing you weren’t good enough, but that's not true.
When you’ve been cheated on, the most important thing for you to do when kickstarting your path towards peace is remember who you are.
Remember that:
You didn’t force them to cheat
There was nothing you could do to prevent them from doing it
They chose to do it
They are in the wrong
You are better than them
You are worthy of love from someone who is mature enough to respect you
My First Love
The worst of the worst, the most painful sting, the stream of never-ending doubt– your very first breakup from your very first love. When this one hits, it hits hard and does not hold back. Loving someone is a true test of someone's vulnerability, and once that gate opens up it’s hard to hold back.
Everything was going great, everything was brand new, cloud nine was your home and you never wanted to leave. But then, eventually, you’re evicted. The world becomes gray and your heart becomes sour– will life ever resume as it did? It will, trust me.
When you get your heart broken for the first time you need to remember, it’s your first time. The first time is always the scariest and the darkest. You’ve never felt this way about someone and to watch them leave puts you in a place of regression. But don’t give in. You will find love again, you will be loved again. Take this time to figure out what kind of partner you want and what kind of partner you want to be. The opportunities are endless now.
Out Of The Blue
The last type of breakup is the one that sideswipes your blind spot. The “out of the blue” breakup is the entry way into a downward spiral because no signs pointed towards the end. While you believed life was sunshine, rainbows, and sparkling wine, your partner was planning this moment behind closed doors.
This kind of break up is arguably the hardest as it hinders your ability to trust. Once it strikes, you replay every moment, big or small, wondering if you were just too naive, too self-absorbed to see the signs. But you weren’t naive, you weren’t self-absorbed, you were in love. Love does this funny thing where it makes you believe that everything’s okay because on the surface it is.
If your partner felt that something was wrong, they should’ve spoken up earlier or tried to work out a plan to fix it. If no plan was able to fix it, they shouldn’t have led you on– simple as that. When these breakups happen, don’t close yourself off. Just because one relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean that you are destined to be alone.
Take this time to:
Focus on yourself
Let yourself cry it out
Learn how to trust in situations that don’t involve love
Talk to someone
Use Inward
Healing will never be linear, rather a collection of nauseating, down and upward spirals that knock you on the ground just to pick you back up again. There’s no method, mantra, or meditation that fits all who try, but Inward doesn’t aim for vagueness. Using our specialized and personalized programs will help you better understand who you are and what works for you. Start your journey today with us, we’ll help you every step of the way.